WTF Wednesday – Pre-Coffee Dementia… it’s a real thing!


I stood this morning in my kitchen, barefoot, robe on, eyes barely open, my body moving on autopilot. My son came in and greeted me and I stood, holding the glass cabinet door open staring at wine glasses. My feeble brain was unable to comprehend what my next move should be. I stood, frozen in time, confused. Why? Because I suffer from pre-coffee dementia. I’m copywriting that term, by the way. For those of us addicted to the little roasted bean, we know that soda isn’t the same. I need the warmth, the creamer, the aroma, the ceramic cup… which was in a different cabinet. Sheesh.

Until I’ve had a cup of coffee, I don’t people well, I can’t make decisions, and I sure as hell don’t make any plans. This is why my son chooses early morning to announce his weekend plans. No flies on him…

I stand some mornings staring at an object on my counter trying to recognize the importance of it for long moments. I believe this is why toasters pop up on their own and have a clanging bell. My brain needs a jump start in the morning. I feel best when after coffee I exercise, although that’s not always practical and let’s face it, I’m lazy. Coffee, however, is essential to my morning routine. Yes, I’m addicted, and I don’t care. I don’t drink coffee all day long, but I need one cup in the morning. It’s a rather large cup. Without it I feel bereft, dazed, anxious, and annoyed that the people around me are breathing. I shuffle, my feet not capable of taking steps, my brain not able to send the message to step, until I fall into the shower and try to rid myself of the lingering effects of the sandman.

I am sorry to say that there is conflicting research on the actual effects of caffeine in preventing dementia. I had been excited at Dr. Kivipelto’s initial research that indicated drinking coffee could decrease your chances of Alzheimer’s and dementia. Unfortunately, this study has been unable to be replicated and further studies proved inconclusive. Dammit. And you had to have 3+ cups, and I’m not sure what blend or caffeine rate they were using because let’s face it, Folger’s versus Cafe Bustelo will have different amounts of caffeine. And what about sugar versus sucralose… So many factors… Too many factors, I suppose.

However, I can honestly say that until I’ve consumed my large cup of coffee – Cafe Bustelo with three Splendas and a splash of creamer, I appear to be in a walking coma. I’m telling you, pre-coffee dementia is a real thing.

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